Recently I’ve been bored (like really bored), so I’ve been opening my Bumble app more than once every 18 days. During these times of extreme boredom and thirst for attention, I find it harder than I should to find a guy that piques my interests.
Some would argue this is probably because dating apps like Bumble are extremely shallow and more centered on if you find the person attractive than the actual personality they possess. Since I am someone who needs that personality component, that’s why Bumble doesn’t work for me. My argument is that the first step to being interested in anyone is attraction, even in person… right? So why can’t Bumble be easier than it is…?
Fear not! There is a way to make dating apps more lucrative for all! Here are a few tips that would help myself and a ton of other single ladies out there find Bumble as a more productive dating (or hookup, to each their own) tool…
1. Be the only person in your first picture.
It’s also a well-known fact in the Bumble community that the least attractive in the group picture is ALWAYS the profile you’re viewing. We know you’re trying to trip us up and it’s not fair. If your friends are hotter than you and they’re in your first picture (or all of them), I’m going to crush on one of them. When I realize they aren’t you, it’s going to be like opening an unopened bag of chips and realizing that it’s half empty… Name a bigger let down, I’ll wait.
Another side to this is that I don’t want to dig through 6 pictures to find out who the common denominator is in all of them. That takes a lot of work and it’s a job that doesn’t offer the promise of a return on investment. Ain’t nobody got time for that, dawg.
2. Show your height.
Stand next to something or someone (not in the first pic though), mention it in your bio, just help a sister out.
It’s not “because it matters” like all of you say in your bios, its simple research. Even if I wasn’t 5’10 I would want to know what shoes would be appropriate for our first meeting. If you’re 5’10 or below chances are your match may want to wear flats to avoid towering over you. It’s a small step that can save you from some embarrassment later. Don’t be hostile about it. If you’re short and you don’t want to come out and say your height, take a picture with your tall, less attractive friend and throw it into the second or third spot.
3. Take over the conversation.
Most girls will use dating apps like Bumble for something to do… or in my case to satisfy my need for attention from time to time. With that being said, I’ll go on and on forever about nothing serious just to see how long it takes for guys to be like, “wtf is wrong with this girl?” OR to grow a pair and take control of the conversation.
Just say something witty, make fun of something I say… DO SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Don’t just answering every question I ask and wait for me to come up with something else to say. While we’re on this topic, “you?” is not a valuable sentence in a conversation.
Let me give you a real life example of the madness that can happen from letting one of us females take control of the conversation. I once had a guy allow me to only ask questions about his dog for over a day… this is an example of what not to do. 
Anyway, enough entertainment… take the lead, ask me out, let’s get this show on the road. We’re not getting any younger.
4. If it’s not yours, don’t put it on your Bumble profile.
Kids, puppies, cars and homes. If they do not belong to you, they do not belong on your dating app profile. It’s false advertisement and ultimately means I’ll be let down. Mostly talking about the puppy here.
Sure, I bet you’re a really great uncle, but “not my kid” in your bio doesn’t make you seem super kid friendly. It makes it seem like you’re using your niece or nephew to get some ass, that’s not a good look. If you really are “uncle of the year” put it in your bio sans photo evidence. Save the kid pictures for the DILFs, it’s all most of them have going for them.
5. What even is an “Entrepreneur”?
Own your own business? Awesome. In that care you’re a CEO, President or even the… wait for it, Owner…
If your profile says “entrepreneur” I’m going to assume that you’re slanging’ dime bags of mids out of your mom’s basement at the age of 28. Go get a real job title and better yet, keep that BS on Tinder.
However, if you’re a real entrepreneur list the name of your company so that we don’t confuse you with these lowlife, momma’s boys. OKURT.
That’s all folks. Share this post, knowledge is power and together I believe that we can make Bumble great again.
xo
Ash
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You peeked my interest enough to read your blog. I guess you deserve credit for that. If I had a tip…it would be stop w the deal-breakers and hard no’s. We all have non-negotiables … they don’t need thrown out there right away as if you have some checklist you need meet before you agree to coffee. -dane